Cross & Crescent

The passage of time usually carries brothers to diverse and far-flung destinations after college but it does not dilute the memories of our past nor diminish the bonds between us. In fact it often sharpens those memories and enhances the value to us of the lessons we learned and the bonds we shared as brothers.

Such is the case for three brothers from Wabash College who believe that their lives as nationally recognized lawyers have been significantly influenced by the experience of living together more than 30 years ago. They have never forgotten what they learned while forging brotherly relationships from the iron of shared responsibility, intellectual challenge, and a huge mix of practical jokes and light-hearted verbal sparring.

“There is a certain magic to being brothers with a shared living experience under the same roof and the same moniker, and that never leaves you,” says James M. Talley (Wabash 1978) , a trial lawyer and arbitration advocate in Orlando, Florida, and recently named one of the best commercial litigators in America. See sidebar bio-boxes for “The Three Brothers – At A Glance.”

Talley adds that when subsequent generations of Lambda Chi brothers call him now to ask for guidance or advice, “It causes me to reflect that I am part of something much bigger than myself – something positive and continuous.” He says that is one reason he tells young people looking at colleges to strongly consider fraternity or sorority life.

Ron Rychlak (Wabash 1980), now a professor, associate dean, and NCAA athletic representative for the University of Mississippi Law School, agrees. “I feel like I am a better person today for having had so many brothers who enriched my college experience.” Noting that he now has six children, Rychlak reflects: “I also think and hope that my own kids come out of my large house better for having had their siblings.”

Rychlak suggests that life in the fraternity in some ways prepared him for a busy, hectic life that balances family needs with multiple professional roles including that of being an accomplished author. “In both situations you have to get used to living with chaos. There are lots of people going in different directions, and it’s not always quiet, but it is a rich environment and you learn how to get things done in the middle of all that,” he quips.

Alan McLaughlin (Wabash 1979), who lives with his spouse, three kids, two dogs and two cats, affirms that the responsibility of fraternity living was good preparation for post-collegiate life. “I learned very quickly that it was not ‘just about me’ and that we all had to answer to each other as brothers,” says this Indianapolis employment lawyer who has represented clients in trial matters in more than 25 states and is now a partner at Littler Mendelson, a law firm rated by in-house lawyers as number one in the country for employment expertise.

He suggests that both employment disputes and “family” disruptions among brothers are founded in failures to communicate or to understand and respect the needs of others. “Our fraternity chapter definitely benefited from a national policy against hazing that is based on respect for all brothers. No underclassmen and, for that matter, no subordinate employee likes hearing ‘Do what I say because of my position of power,’ ” McLaughlin reflects. He adds that “when you live with 40 guys who have different beliefs and come from different backgrounds, you quickly learn that something which is not a big deal to you might be a really big deal to someone else.”

Lessons That Last

Rychlak recalls that the experience of living in a true spirit of brotherhood with so many different personalities opened his eyes to a much larger world than he had ever known. “We had people in the house from different parts of the country and people involved in so many different studies, people who went on to be doctors, lawyers, scientists, and whatever you could imagine. You could talk to anyone at any time in the house, and learn so much from opening up to them.”

He believes that his Lambda Chi experience was a major factor in his liberal arts education which helped to open his mind to many intellectual inquiries and to many different professional roles; such as author, teacher, dean, NCAA athletic representative, and even adviser to the Holy See (the proper term for the “Vatican Government”).

“I was always interested in teaching, and I knew it, but I was just open to the other possibilities when they appeared,” he says, noting that his role as adviser to the Holy See was a consequence of tackling work outside of his legal profession – the work of explaining the historical record of the Pope and Catholicism during World War II in his celebrated book “Hitler, the War and the Pope.” Rychlak says that his historical research was really sparked by intellectual curiosity arising from conversational debates – dialogues with a friend, much like that between brothers in the fraternity.

As a result of those dialogues Rychlak has not only met the Pope, he has learned much from the work of Cardinal Martino of the International Criminal Court, the International Court of Justice, and the International Law Commission.

Talley has a similar view on the role of brotherhood in his life. “The fraternity greatly accelerated my understanding of the world on both practical and scholarly levels, and it broadened my mind,” he says, recalling that “some of my most vivid college memories involve 3:00 a.m. jag sessions over the stainless steel buffet in our dining room with brothers who understood physics, art, music, and biology in ways I never even imagined.”

Talley, who estimates that he has handled more than 2,500 business-related disputes and involving numerous subject matters, has vivid recollections of lively fraternal debates about politics, economics, and history, asserting that those conversations also facilitated his ability to work with other partners or with multiple parties in complex matters such as construction disputes. “You have the same need to understand people from different backgrounds, read them and communicate with them in a positive way in any kind of human situation, whether it involves negotiations or management of the firm.”

Talley also credits the candor that arises from true brotherhood with helping him to accept real challenges from others. “I remember as a freshman asking Mike Burkett [then a senior and a good student] how he could sit on the porch after dinner watching the sunset when there was so much studying to do.” The reply was a challenge that made him think about his approach to organizing his time: “Talley, if you planned your day right, you wouldn’t have to ask me that question.”

Leadership, Management and Negotiation

McLaughlin similarly asserts that the challenges and the other interactions between brothers became the most meaningful part of his college experience. “Human interactions are what make life special. I remember all of our fraternity stories much more than any single day or event in the classroom,” he says.

The former house president adds that the fraternity taught him how to be “a servant leader,” adding that “I learned that decisions must be guided by what is best for the whole family [of brothers] or you will risk the harmony of the living unit.”

Rychlak recalls that lesson being driven home to him in a difficult way when he reported back to the chapter about a vote he had cast as a student senate rep at an Inter-Fraternity Council, without sufficient buy-in from the whole house. “I could not believe how tempers got raised over this issue because it seemed so minor to me. I was ready to walk out of the chapter meeting when Al grabbed me, pointed to [a brother] who was threatening to impeach me, and directed people to calm down and talk to each other rationally,” he recalls, noting that he and others laughed about the whole thing later. “What Al did to cool things down was the single greatest example of leadership I can remember,” he says now.

McLaughlin, who now resolves employment disputes professionally, says that real brotherhood taught him a lot about communication with others. “I particularly remember the effectiveness of our ‘Roses and Bitches’ sessions after each chapter meeting [where brothers got to give a Rose of gratitude to one another, or a thumbs-down for something negative]. Talking about things, and listening without arguing helps to diffuse a lot of trouble,” he suggests.

In fact, McLaughlin says much of his professional practice focuses on how to prevent employee disputes and lawsuits by means of good, written and oral communication, coupled with training on sensitivity to legal requirements. “Of course, we can go to court to prove a client is right, but sometimes it can be a Pyrrhic victory if the cost of trial runs into six figures,” he says.

Talley also now relates fraternity lessons in communication to his current law partners. He recalls some lively debates at chapter meetings. “I saw some of the most articulate and eloquent views on management displayed in our fraternity management discussions,” he says. “Temperatures sometimes got hot, but there was never a dispute we failed to settle, and we ultimately stuck together. That was an education in itself,” he asserts.

Fun and Games

His brothers also acknowledge that humor and playfulness were equally critical parts of learning to get along in a big family; just as in any group. Collectively they have vivid recollections of water fights in the stairwells, pie throwing incidents, lip synching performances of air guitar bands, pranks pulled over the airwaves at the college radio station, dinner “roasts” and verbal mockery offered as brotherly tributes, and all kinds of practical jokes (often involving playful sabotage of beds in the dorm).

“We studied hard and we worked hard on the house, but we had our stress relievers and they were mostly just plain silly,” McLaughlin recalls. He asserts that fraternity life helped him to lighten up at critical times in order to stay energized. “There were times when you really needed a release because of studying or of tensions in the house and, inevitably, something funny broke out whenever that was needed,” he recalls.

McLaughlin adds that he came to see a sense of humor as an essential part of a good relationship, noting that he first connected with his wife because of her sense of humor. “You might say we exchanged pranks after meeting at a Pacers’ game, and that’s when I knew I had met someone who could live with me,” he jokes.

Talley, who was a groomsman for McLaughlin’s wedding, as McLaughlin was for his, acknowledges the importance of humor during his college years and beyond. “We had some true characters in our house who shared a spirit of unprideful fun. We took our work seriously, but never ourselves, and I think that bonded us closer together,” he asserts. “As you might expect in a big family, nothing was sacred among us siblings, but as a group we protected our own and stood by each other,” adding that humor has helped to cement his personal and professional relationships as well.

Bonds that Don’t Die

While all three brothers are now separated by hundreds of miles, all have maintained some degree of connection with various housemates over the years, and those connections have strengthened when tragedy has struck home.

“I was extremely touched by the string of e-mails that went out among all of us after [brothers from the same era] Tim Brazill and Tom Long died, and it made me realize the value of our staying connected in some way,” says McLaughlin.

Rychlak says he was also touched, and credits Brother Terry Evitts for connecting periodically with many different people and keeping brothers updated over the years. He also maintains regular contact with classmate and Brother Alex Klefeker, periodically meeting up with him to ring in a new year. “Despite the time between visits, I always feel like we can pick up where we left off,” he says.

The experience has been similar for Talley, who enjoyed his visits with brothers during a recent 30th reunion. “I always felt I could sit in a room with any brother and feel good, and I still feel comfortable talking and being with my brothers today,” he observes. “The expression of my personality with my brothers is different. I can open up and feel safe, and they respect that,” he says.

“Being part of a big family is a special thing that stays with you,” Rychlak affirms. “One of my most distinct memories comes from a dance at the house late in my senior year. I remember looking around the room and knowing I would never again be around a group of 40 guys, a band of brothers with whom I could just be myself, even if that meant being stupid and silly at times,” he asserts.

McLaughlin expresses similar sentiments. “There was nothing else like my fraternity experience,” he says. “Lambda Chi at Wabash was the perfect place at the perfect time in my life for me, and now I want to know there is that special place out there for my son,” he concludes.

John O. Cunningham is a communications consultant, freelance writer and contributor to various legal and business publications. He practiced law for 16 years and served as general counsel for Pizzeria UNO and Chief Auto Parts (later merged into “AutoZone”). Comments and inquiries may be sent to him at C3cunningham@aol.com.