Cross & Crescent

As a consultant you only get three days to earn the trust and respect of an entire brotherhood. Usually you make some headway with the chapter by becoming friendly with the officers while everyone else just hides because you are the “Nationals” guy.

Others welcome you with open arms and a cold drink, which I politely decline, and you are instantly accepted into that chapter. However, for the most part, the chapter brothers tend to test the waters and, if you pass their test, they will “initiate” you, and you become one of them. Those chapters are the ones that open up to you and share their every thought and concern, even if the concern has nothing to do with Lambda Chi, such as asking which movie they should take their girlfriend to see.

My name is Chris Cole (Gettysburg 2008) and I say ‘welcome back’ to those of you who are continuing the journey with me along my travels as an educational leadership consultant, and ‘welcome’ to those who are reading this for the first time.

I wish to share three stories from the road with you this month; three stories that show examples of how a chapter grew because of something we experienced, and then welcomed me into their bond. It is the simple showing of kindness that may be a simple act to them, but to me, means a lot more. I wish to share these experiences with you. So, sit back and relax in your favorite chair, and enjoy the stories of your brothers from around the country.

Story No. 1

Let me begin by talking about an experience I had during one of the earlier visits of my travels. I can’t really say I understand why these brothers happened to put me through this initiation of sorts, but it did truly make me feel welcome into their bond. I had just finished what I thought to be an excellent opening presentation. I did my usual 30 seconds of personal information before jumping straight into an event that centered around communication and teamwork. Brothers, alumni, and associates together tried to solve a simple number game. Over the next 45 minutes they worked together to achieve success, however their teamwork skills were lacking and, although they got two tries to complete the task, they fell short. There were two choices I could have made at that point. The first being to merely tell the men how to properly do the event, giving them simple yet direct instruction, and holding their hand as we crossed the metaphorical street together. On the other hand we could reflect on the event, let them determine how this particular event related to chapter operations, and then have them tell me how they could have improved. I went with the second choice. We discussed every aspect of the Fraternity while standing in that circle together and, for a few moments, everybody truly understood what teamwork is about.

The story does not end there but merely continues into the chapter president’s room. As I was sitting there, on the ever-so-comfortable couch (which ironically I slept on for three days) there was whispering outside the door and the conversation between the High Alpha and myself stopped. A quick knock on the door followed and five guys came into the small presidential suite and began to crowd around me. I panicked slightly, knowing that one of these guys had recently just come back from Iraq, and I felt slightly intimidated. I watched as they proceeded to pick-up all my belongings and sort through them. After about 30 seconds they dropped everything and yelled “Dinosaur Party!” To which another member walked into the already packed room, with a guitar and they began to sing the dinosaur party song and jump up and down, bringing me to my feet and making me jump with them. We laughed, we sang, and as the members left, the High Beta turned to me and said, “Welcome brother”. From that point, I knew I felt at home and was welcome.

Story No. 2

The next story that I will share speaks of what a true gentlemen of Lambda Chi Alpha is. I entered the chapter house late in the afternoon and sat down with the chapter president for about 30 minutes. Our conversation was brief, covering last-minute meeting details and, since most people were leaving on that Friday to go home, my request to do a Harm Reduction presentation during the opening meeting. Why nobody was staying for the Georgia football game is beyond me; if I went to a Division I, I would stay for every game but I guess that’s normal for a guy who went to a Division III school where the most exciting part of the football season was the free admission into the game.

However, the chapter president asked me if I could give my full presentation then. I agreed, knowing that, if nothing else, I would be able to have a free evening the following night to roam around campus or perhaps head to the bookstore to get a glass with the college logo on it. (One of the perks to being an ELC is collecting items from every college you visit. My item is a pint glass, because if nothing else, I’ll have 23 glasses for my house when I’m done!)

As the evening went on I proceeded to meet a number of the brothers and their associates and the usual conversations started: Where are you from? What school did you go to? Zeta number?, Office held?, etc. I like having these conversations more than just giving them a resume during an opening meeting because people listen, or pretend that they are listening, when you are speaking one on one. I must have met 50 people in the course of 20 minutes, which was fine by me, but although if any of them expected me to remember their name — I was “buggered” because I am horrible with names.

Anyway, the meeting began after the chapter’s business meeting and I asked the men to move their chairs into a circle. I hate giving presentations in a set-up that makes me seem like I am lecturing. Professors lecture, and these guys have been listening to their material all day, in that format; they don’t need me to do the same thing. So the men moved into a circle and I begin my opening and Harm Reduction presentation.

I got no further than five minutes in when suddenly one of the brothers banged on the table and all of them stood up and removed their hats immediately. I turned quickly to see four Delta Gamma women walk into the room. I was floored — not because of the four women who entered were beautiful but because without a word they showed complete respect. It was a demonstration of pure gentlemanly ways and I was truly impressed to see that these men could show such valor.

When I asked them about it after the ladies left, the response was merely, “We are Lambda Chis. That’s just what we do.”

Story No. 3

There are many different events that one can do with a chapter. Some can play ultimate Frisbee on their intramural team, claiming to be another student because you have an I.D. that kind of looks like you. Or merely sit in a room and watch guys play Modern Warfare 2 on their Xbox and cheer them on as they go after the bad guys for five hours straight.

There are truly many ways to bond with our brothers but this story takes the cake. I was recently visiting a chapter that was in the midst of their Associate Member Education and was informed that on my second night there was going to be an event for big brothers and little brothers. The High Kappa (Fraternity Educator), whom I had gotten to know quite well, invited me to join the session and watch how they ran things. Naturally I accepted, as new member education is always fun to watch. Tonight, these men were doing an event called “If you only knew me….”

As the event was being prepped, their High Kappa asked me if I would talk to their associates and give them a history lesson. Nothing like being put on the spot and expected to produce a quick 15 minute lesson on some aspect of the fraternity, but needless to say, I managed. As soon as they were ready downstairs, the High Kappa came back, instructed the associates to file out, one-by-one, and led them to the chapter room. I followed, intrigued to see this event, which I had only ever heard of, but never seen. Chairs were set up in a crescent, with a Lambda made of candles in front of them.

Within the Lambda there was a single chair with a candle on it. The associates filed in and sat in a chair and almost immediately their big brother stood behind them. I stood off to the side and watched as their Kappa moved to the chair, which was within the Lambda and sat down. He then began to explain why they were doing this event and began to demonstrate the exercise. The event lasted about two hours, with everyone speaking, associate and brother alike.

Just as the event was coming to a end, the High Kappa looked at me and motioned for me to take the seat. I did. I sat down, held the candle, looked up, and without even thinking, began to share pieces of my life with members that I barely knew. I felt at home and at ease and told these men memories of my life, that I probably would never have done otherwise. It’s a great feeling to be accepted by men who are your brothers. It’s a greater feeling to watch them accept you into their ways and help you to not feel like such an outsider.

It truly is a remarkable thing, to be an ELC within Lambda Chi Alpha. The experiences and the memories far outweigh the negative times. We truly are blessed to have such greatness within our bond.

Have a wonderful winter season.

Yours in ZAX,

-Chris